Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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