I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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