we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Are we still banned from the library?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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