Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
