you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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