I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
why do cheetos always look like penises
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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