dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
