His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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