Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
