It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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