the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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