Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
