May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
