It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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