I am puke
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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