he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
