i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
