im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
