Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize