I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
