I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
