WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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