i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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