also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
