OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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