I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
