Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
