I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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