and you said cock pushups were impossible
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
