Midget sex pt 2 tonight
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
