There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
