In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
