The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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