And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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