I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
