Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
