No stitches, just platelets and will power
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize