just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
