you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
But theres a keg here and me gusta
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
