God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
