??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
