She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she smelled like a LAN party
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
