If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
