My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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