im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
