where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
