there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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