someone owes me an orgasm
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Of course I have a pirate flag
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
