I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
