I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
