I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
