I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i believe in u and ur pee
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
