dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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