Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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