Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
