Are we in a gay sports bar?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize