My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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