It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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