One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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