the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
