It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
