I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hippo gnu deer
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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