Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
