i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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