He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
