So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
