you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think my fart just growled at me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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