You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
