I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
